Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Top 10 Drinking Games To Play While Watching The PGA Tour
This list was inspired by the ever-excellent Shane Bacon of Yahoo Sports fame. He made a comment last weekend that a new drinking game would be to drink every time the commentators mentioned that Johnny Vegas was a rookie. His comment made me think about other things that happen ALL the time during a golf broadcast, and I came up with this list. I sort of focused on the irritating things that don't really need to be said, the stupid noise that they insist on filling the airwaves with. I've tried to make it as non-personal as possible, but I think you can figure out who I'm talking about most of the time: 10 - Drink every time they tell us about Miguel Angel Jimenez "Love for life" (He's a big ol' fat guy, he loves wine and stogies, he hits shots off the wall on the Road Hole, and he putts with his wedge. He's quite possibly the coolest guy on any tour right now. There are SO many more things to say about him than just that he "loves life".) 9- Drink every time they proclaim some young player as the next dominant player in the world. (Really, it's quite likely he won't be. I don't cheer for anyone to fail, but I know very few of the really really talented golfers have the mindset it takes to get to the top). 8 - Drink every time they mention Amy Mickelson or Bubba's Dad, or some other non-golf topic du jour (It's cold of me to list this, I know. This is what we call "reality". It's tragic and inspiring and emotional, but we really don't need to hear about it every time that player is in a shot.) 7 - Drink every time there is a comment about JD's or Smurf's clothing. (They've been wearing this stuff for years, folks, it's not exactly revolutionary.) 6 - Drink every time they mention how Tiger today is not the Tiger of yore. (He'll never be that dominant again. Get over it.) 5 - Drink every time they mention how long guys like Dustin Johnson and Bubba Watson hit the ball. (We know, they're studs, you don't have to marvel about it every time.) 4 - Drink every time a commentator says something like "You could see he pulled that shot" when the ball lands left of the target. (If you could see it, why didn't you say something before the ball landed? You just sound like an idiot.) 3 - Drink every time some swing guru tries to analyze a swing, without being able to make a point in any way (It's usually in the form of a comparison to their old swing, or an explanation why a certain shot went a certain way. It's usually quite useless.) 2 - Drink every time some former great player makes it clear they were better than today's players. (You were great in your day, guys. These guys are great in their day. Your role is not to lift yourself up to put them down, but to analyze the game.) And the number 1 drinking game to play while watching professional golf on TV is: 1 - Drink every time a commentator says a player is going to make this putt/chip, with utmost confidence, and the player then misses it. (I'm not sure what they think this adds to the broadcast.) DISCLAIMER: Don't be a f*cking idiot. This is a f*cking joke. Don't even f*cking think about suing me if you play one of these games and your liver fails.